Relevancy

I was just reading online about the crazy things people do and I was reminded of one of the more shocking things that happened at my office. Over the years I've seen and heard a lot, and yet people continue to amaze me.

We had a client come in one day, flip open his cell phone and proceed to display a picture of he and his wife having sex. A very close up picture. As everyone's eyes burned in their heads and our brains screamed in agony, he explained to us that the reason he knew it was he and his wife is because of the tattoo on his penis. It was a bug. I won't tell you which bug, but I know I'll never look at that particular kind of bug ever again in my life without thinking of this client. I could be 90 and senile and forget my children's names but I'll still remember this guy.

You know what's even worse about this story? The picture was completely irrelevant to why he was in our office, although he certainly thought it was important. I have to wonder if he was on drugs when he got that tattoo. Seriously, I can't imagine getting a tattoo in such a sensitive spot, let alone the particular bug he chose. I wasn't about to ask either!

The Ubiquitous Love-Bug

Fall is just around the corner. I can tell because the love-bugs are out. If you're fortunate enough to live in a place that's love-bug free, congratulations to you! What could be so bad about a bug named for it's amorous ways? Let me tell you.

To begin with, love-bugs are not attractive. Not like, say , ladybugs. Neither are they the ugliest bugs you'll ever see. The problem does not really lie in their okay-for-a-bug kind of looks, though. The problem is that they breed twice a year. Mid air. This isn't any 'mile-high' sex club we're talking about, this is in-your-face, on-your-windshield, every-time-you-go-outside sex. Furthermore, they get stuck together for a while and fly around that way. Small children have been heard to exclaim, "Look at those bugs! Their butts are stuck together!" Mmmm-hmmmm....Through the magic of the internet, and thanks to Wikipedia, you can see what I mean.

Love bugs don't bite or spread disease. We have mosquitoes for that! They are not particularly tough. In fact, they smoosh quite easily. Too easily, like when you brush them away from your face, or your picnic table. They are especially good at sticking to cars and will ruin your finish. Really, they readily stick to anything and would be a good source of glue. It's been rumored that love-bugs were bred in a lab; a scientific experiment that went wrong and escaped. Not true, but if it were, maybe we could send them to CERN to put them in the Large Hadron Collider. Perhaps when the protons collide they could send these buggers into an alternate dimension. Just a thought...

As a side note, when I was looking on line for a picture to show you these amorous insects I found some drawings (bug porn!)of the male and female sex organs of love-bugs. They were totally bizarre. They were labeled with descriptions like, "9th abdominal segment and associated structures in P. americana". Associated structures! There's a nice way to say it. I wish they would associate their structures in private! I feel sorry for the bug-ologist that had to view and draw those bits. All in the name of science, right? If you want to see for yourself, and learn all about love-bugs just give a click below. If not, just take my word for it and avoid this place for a couple weeks.

www.creatures.ifas.ufl.edu/misc/lovebug.htm