Porkarito Pirate

Once upon a time a girl of about 4 years of age went on a trip, and for a souvenir she brought home a pirate treasure map along with a pirate and his chest. Since this girl was only 4 she had trouble pronouncing certain words. When the girl named her pirate she mispronounced Puerto Rico (from whence she decided pirates came) and called him Porkarito Pirate. Thus began the illustrious adventures of Porkarito Pirate and his multitude of pirate friends, sailing ships and other piratey playthings.

That 4 year old girl is now 12 and not too long ago, on a boring summer day, she came across a bunch of magnets and got busy. The air-conditioner intake is in our hallway and provides a nice flat, metal surface that was perfect for her creative inspiration. What she created was something akin to a village of cliff-dwelling pirates, which is what you see here on this series of platforms supported by magnets. Moving from top to bottom (along the 'stepping stone' magnets) we have:

A pirate roasting a fish over a campfire; a viking pirate and his keg with a tropical drink on it; a pirate with a carafe and some potted flowers;(who knew pirates are into flowers?) a platform piled with booty; and a tiki statue with a dog sitting next to it - this is the 'grand entry'. Apparently cliff dwelling pirates like a grand entry.

What you don't see is the series of ships and pirates down on the hallway floor. Many an ocean full of island villages have been built here, complete with markets for food and animals in pens. Porkarito Pirate has been a great creative inspiration. Which leads us to this monkey.

So what has this monkey got to do with anything? Well, a couple years ago I redecorated the girls bathroom. The shower curtain has a rich, maroon/gold paisley pattern, the towels are in maroon and gold and the wall decor includes a carved wooden panel - sort of a Morrocan feeling. My daughter's describe the style as Porkaritan Splendor. But our splendorous bathroom was lacking for something and one day I found just the thing: this monkey. I brought him home, put him on this shelf, and he became known as The Porkaritan Splendor Monkey. Ever since then the entire bathroom is now referred to as The Porkaritan Splendor Bath. Who would have thought that a few dollars worth of plastic pirate stuff would create such a lasting legacy?

By the way, the boob word of the day is: headlights. Are yours high beams or low beams? I wonder what it means to have halogen? And what about fog lights? Are foglights an extra, smaller set?

The Ballad O' Anne Rackham

Ahoy, me hearties! Shiver me timbers, but a fine, good day fer sailin' this be! The briny deep's a-callin', so come join me Brethren O' the Coast, set the sails and sharpen yer cutlasses fer plunderin' (and killin' bilge rats)! T'is a bit of a journey, so pour some grog and listen up as I regale ye with the Ballad O' Anne Rackham, me namesake:



THE BALLAD O' ANNE RACKHAM


Draw nigh me hearties and I'll tell ye the tale
o' plunder and love, o' fortune and fame.
This be the tale o' the pirate Anne Rackham.
This be the woman whence comes me name.

In the county o' Cork, in Ireland fair,
to a man and his mistress a young lass was born.
Away to America, these illicit young lovers,
went with wee Anne to escape spite and scorn.

At the tender, young age of only thirteen
t'is said our dear Anne first wielded the blade.
A servant displeased her with unkind remark
and was stabbed in the gut, the unfortunate maid!

A scurrilous rogue, the sailor James Bonny,
met and married dear Anne when she was sixteen.
But Calico Jack Rackham, a true buccaneer,
soon caught Anne's eye and they departed the scene.

Now, wenches were barred from sailin' the deep-
considered bad luck by a true buccaneer.
So Anne dressed like a man, and swore like one too
and her fightin' and plunderin' filled hearts with fear!

As luck would have it, one fellow discovered
Anne's true identity, and threatened to tell.
So she ran the rogue through without hesitation
and sent the man down to a watery hell.

Many a year did Anne and Jack sail,
pillagin' and livin' a life on the deep.
Their exploits were legend, their treasures were many
then fate took a twist, one to make a man weep!

Our lovers crossed paths with one Captain John Barnet
they crossed swords as well and fought a brave fight.
Alas, sweet victory was not theirs this battle
and their ship, crew and pride were lost on that night.

When Anne had been captured, her belly she pled -
for she was carryin' the babe of Calico Jack.
The courts would not hang a woman with child
and so to the jail, Anne was sent back.

Before he was hung Jack was privileged to see
his beloved wench Anne who had this to say,
"If ye'd fought like a man, you'd not hang like a dog!"
Fine parting words on a man's dying day!

Some say Anne went back to her home in Carolina,
and married again, bearin' many a child.
Some say she ran off and found a new ship
and continued her pillagin' and livin' so wild.

Methinks at the end of her hail, hearty life,
somewhere down below in the briny, blue deep
she cast off her life, and all of her treasures,
and in Davy Jones locker does Anne Rackham sleep.

- Red Anne, aka Significant Snail-

(This fine portrait o' Anne Rackham was reproduced from an early woodblock, edited and colorized by BlindKat Publishers)

Avast Me Hearties...

Beware, me Buccaneers and Wenches! The day fer talkin' like pirates draws nigh! Ye have but another day after this one to get yerself shipshape! Move along handsomely now, hoist yer Jolly Roger and prepare to weigh anchor! Tis nearly time for leavin' behind yer land-lubbin ways!

As ye can see, me Brethren o' the Coast are prepared to help ye walk the plank, get a floggin' with me Cat-O-Nine Tails, or learn the meanin' o' keel-haulin' should ye fail to consider me warnin'!

Godspeed!
Red Anne Rackham

Be Ye Warned!

Be ye warned! On Friday, the Nineteenth day of September, it be Talk Like A Pirate Day! Prepare, me matey's, by perusing the following locations:

Ye may find yerself in need of a proper piratey name, such as mine:

My pirate name is:

Red Anne Rackham

Passion is a big part of your life, which makes sense for a pirate. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Ye might also need to learn the jargon, so as not to be found out for the land-lubber that ye are!

www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html#basic

www.io.com/~sj/PirateTalk.html


All things piratey may be found at:

talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html