Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Moth Ball Earrings

(Disclaimer: No actual moths were hurt in the making of these earrings.)

Introducing, for the first time ever (that I know of) the fuzzy and fabulous Moth Ball Earrings. For the discerning woman everywhere! You may recall (from a previous post) my desire to give my daughter a gag gift of 'moth ball' earrings. What you see before you is the final product of some painstaking handiwork heretofore unseen by sane eyes. The first photo depicts our lovely 'donor' moths and the finished earrings. The second shot is my daughter modeling her lovely gift, and the third photo is how she prefers to display her earrings while they are not being worn (in their natural habitat so to speak).

What can I tell you about this jewelry making adventure?

First of all I didn't actually intend to kill any moths. Second, I didn't want your average unattractive moth of the sort that seems to be outside my door after dark. They would be too small to 'supply' the size balls I had in mind. So I went out shopping for metal earring parts, moth balls (sold in stores under the clever title 'pom-poms'), and a couple of 'donor' moths. Apparently there is no place in this town where one can purchase fake moths, or dead moths (you know, pinned to a mat and framed), or moth stickers. The craft store had none. The scrap-booking store had none - and believe me that store has everything! Looking for googly-eyed hamster stickers? They have that. Need John Deere tractors? Dragonflies? Puffins on crack?? They have it. Ok, not the puffins - I was just seeing if you were paying attention. I checked out the collection of butterflies hoping for an ugly brown one. No luck. Besides an ugly brown butterfly would be a moth and they don't have moths! I even tried a local sporting goods department thinking maybe there are moth lures for fishing. You never know. Is that really so far fetched?

At any rate I decided I'd have to create my donor moths. It's part of the presentation you know. If someone ever asks you who would do such a thing, now you know. Not that you want to admit that to anyone. To make moths you need some small pheasant feathers, brown felt and a brown pipe-cleaner. It also helps to have an accomplice to help you, and my younger daughter was happy to provide her expertise. We looked online for some real life moth examples and did our best to make some moths. I think they turned out respectably well....especially if you squint.

Next we had to decide between stud earrings and dangle earrings. Hmmm. They certainly both have their merits...I mean, what male moth wouldn't want to be a stud? And yet dangling balls seemed appropriate too. As you can see, we chose the dangle and after a bit of needlework, gluing and whatnot (trade secrets) the gift was ready. And the recipient? When she finally stopped laughing, she thanked us, put the earrings on and said she was having the best birthday ever.

My work here is done.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Saturday fun.....

more cat pictures

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Horror Flick We Never Saw

Someone asked me recently how I came to call my blog Significant Snail. Hmmm, when I was putting together my blog I came across this template and it just looked interesting. What's that you say? A snail is interesting? Well, yeah, if your me I guess. Besides, it's a pretty handsome looking snail (so far as snails go) oozing slime trail behind it. In fact, the only thing that should trail a snail is garlic butter - all the way from the plate to my mouth. You realize of course that the French invented escargot as a fancy way to serve garlic butter, right? No really - it's true!! The reason they needed to serve garlic butter is because they needed something to wash down with all that wine they make!! Go ahead, look it up on Wikipedia!! Or don't.

I bet you wonder how I came to be so knowledgeable. Yeah, me too. I'm a veritable font of information. Go ahead, ask me something! You can ask me things like, "Dear Snail (I won't make you type out the word significant 'cause I'm just nice like that) do moth's really have balls?" I'll be more than happy to answer and provide you with all of the details I have - even if I have to make them up!! You deserve substantial (and significant) answers, even if they aren't totally correct....

As for the word significant, well, that snail looks like he could be significant. From the right perspective he could (for all we know) be a GIANT snail on the edge of a HUGE cliff!! Something from a Creature Features flick. Yes,I used to stay up late on Friday nights to watch the horror flicks as a kid. The movie goes something like this: giant snails start devouring all the vineyards in France thus creating pandemonium (slow pandemonium, but pandemonium none the less). Eventually, the best chefs in France are called upon to save the vines by concocting a plan to run the giant snails off a cliff into a vat of garlic butter! Much rejoicing and wine drinking ensues. THE END.

No, I haven't been drinking wine while writing this. Now that's scary.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

An Observation or Two...

Ok, so maybe everyone else already knows this and I'm just a little slow on the uptake, but...did you ever notice that ire is in the middle of tired??!! It really explains a lot doesn't it? NO, not about me..well, actually maybe it does explain a lot about me.

One thing I'm tired of (and it also ires me) is grey hair. I realize that it's inevitable and I do my best to fend it off with hair color, but why is it that the hairs I shed are the nice, healthy looking ones? Why don't the grey hairs ever fall out?? They kling like the devil!

Well, that's really it today. Sorry if you stopped by hoping for something more. Some days are just like that. Besides, it's quite hot and humid today. Which tires and ires me.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Ladys and Gentlemen, I Give You the 'Anti-Heart'

I HATE technology!! Ok, hate is a strong word...I EXTREMELY DISLIKE technology!! Well, not exactly all the time, I guess. Just when I have problems. Problems like my computer being slow or pages not loading properly, etc. So I'm thinking about those bumper stickers - you know the ones: I 'heart' Horses or I 'heart' Dogs. Isn't there a hate symbol? (I mean besides the obvious raised middle finger...) I want to see some 'hate symbol' bumper stickers. I 'hate symbol' asshole drivers (haters, liver and onions, mosquitoes, fill in the blank with whatever you hate). Maybe an upside-down blackened heart symbol?? With a lightening bolt through it??? The "Anti-Heart" so to speak. Actually I love technology because it makes life so much easier - when it works properly. Or when I am able to make it work properly.

I admit (grudgingly) that some of the problem is my own. And some of the fault lies with my children and the stupid music/games/whatever that they have on the computer. Never mind that I sometimes rely on them to help me with the computer when I don't know what I'm doing... At any rate, my computer was acting up so I de-fragged and ran one of those spyware programs so things have improved. It's just irritating at the end of the workday to come home ready to cruise the net and relax only to find that you can't.

It's especially irritating after last night when I spent forever on the phone with a foreigner, setting up my new cell phone service. Oh yeah, you know the joy that is customer service from some unpronounceable country where people have heavy accents. To be honest, the woman who helped me activate my phones and update my service was quite patient. Very patient. I'll re-cap the experience for you. My cell plan expired and it was time to upgrade the plan, replace two phones, and add a third line. Two of the new phones are the same and have reasonable sized buttons. One phone had microscopic buttons. I would have given my techno-capable teenager this chore but she was working late and I wanted to get it done before bedtime.

First the service rep wanted serial numbers....there were bunches of numbers (really tiny numbers) located under the battery, where she asked me to look but some of what she described didn't really fit in with what was actually in front of me. I could probably (note the denial here) use some reading glasses for this sort of thing. Then I had to enter numbers and # signs, etc. This was all easy enough on the two reasonable phones but not so much on the micro-button phone. I hit a wrong button and then the problem I created didn't fit neatly into the prompter world of the service rep. GAWD!!!! We finally got there. Then she realized one phone was on a separate plan from the others...this took more time to resolve. Again, we eventually got it all sorted out and the phones are working.

Did I say the phones are working? Quite well?? Did I mention that I am texting-impaired? Did I mention that my girls know this and think it's funny? Did I tell you one of them thought it would be funny to text me at midnight to ask if I'm asleep? Yeah, those two are a regular laugh riot. They texted me at work today too, "Hey mom, you can't text ha ha". I'm thinking justifiable homicide. No jury would convict me would they? Or I could send them to K-Fed, it worked for Britney.

P.S. How about my fantastic artistic skills!! Do you like my anti-heart symbol? Talent such as mine should not go untapped. Hey,don't be hatin'!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ice Cream

I was at work the other day when I received a call from my youngest. She wanted some ice-cream and was having trouble opening the container. Seriously, you call me at work to ask me how to open ice-cream? You see, I usually buy ice-cream in round containers. It's not that I care about the shape, it's just that the brands I usually buy come in round containers. Except for this week, when another brand was on sale, and it happens to come in a rectangular box.

Apparently my daughter, in her dozen years of life, has only experienced round or oval containers. It's pretty easy to pop off the top and scoop from a round or oval. A rectangular box, however, was apparently too much of a challenge for her.

We're talking about the wonder child who can take apart anything and put it back together again in any number of ways. Give this girl a pile of rubber-bands, pipe-cleaners, nails, tape, plastic doohickies and miscellaneous stuff and she will create people, animals and entire worlds. You should see what she can do with Legos. The girl could be an architect, or engineer, and yet she can't figure out how to open a rectangular box of ice-cream?

Where, I ask, is her older sister? Can't she help you so that you don't need to call me at work? Ah - her sister is 'in the shower' and we all know how long that takes! Yeah, I recall being a teenage girl once. It's not just the actual time spent in the shower, mind you. It's the endless perfecting that occurs after. "Oh my God! Split ends!" She has to examine each one and trim it individually. Oh the horrors if there is a blackhead or (God Forbid) an actual zit. I can see why waiting was out of the question.

When I got off the phone my co-workers and I had a good laugh. And then we all breathed a heavy sigh. We want some ice-cream too...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Death of a Water-Fowl, by I.M. Squawking

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to what can only be described as the horrific shrieking, croaking, squawks of some large water-fowl being eaten (?) by a panther. I live in Florida so that scenario is possible. Anyway, I have two cats, one is 2 years old and one is about 4 months old. At first I thought the little cat was hung up by a leg in the living room. You know, cats get themselves into stupid predicaments at this age... I jumped out of bed and sprinted down the hallway followed by the older cat. When we got to the living room I realized that the noise was coming from outside and the little cat was not in harms way - she had followed behind the other cat to see what all the fuss was.

The great squawking, croaking, choking noise began again, so we all ventured to the sliding glass door and listened in horror. Actually, the cats just sat wide-eyed and stared at the door in deep concern (veiled as curiosity). I finally got the nerve up to open the door(I'm in a second floor apartment with a screened balcony), all the while imagining what sort of big bird was being eaten and what was doing the eating. We have a wooded area with a huge oak tree right behind us - the perfect spot for a panther to drag it's prey. Assuming a panther was within city limits. The noises came and went as I peered into the darkness. Seriously, what was I going to see with no light out there? What could I have done about it anyway? Finally the noises stopped. And about that same time someones air conditioner kicked off as well. So, was I just hearing the death of an ac unit? Did some bird get caught in an ac unit? Or did some night creature have a feast for my entertainment? Oh the possibilities.

When I got up this morning (no more disturbances after the death of the bird/ac) I looked out back. No blood, no feathers, all ac units running normally. I will say in my defense that wild, carnivorous animals have been known to come into town. Hmmmm...

You know, my kindergarten teacher wanted to hold me back because I had "too much imagination." I think I'd still be in kindergarten today if my mom hadn't intervened.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Do moths have balls?

Huge Moth!
Originally uploaded by danajohnhill
Let me start by saying this is not a rhetorical question like, "Does the Pope pray?" or "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

I have two children, daughters: teen and pre-teen. Somehow Younger Daughter has convinced Elder Daughter that certain moths in this state are poisonous. I don't know if that says more about Younger's ability to sell an idea or Elder's ability to be gullible. You see, Elder is afraid of moths. She's not afraid of mile high water slides that you go straight down to your doom. She's not afraid to jump out a second floor window. (!!!) She's definitely not afraid of her own driving. But moths??? Anyhow, the question came up as to whether moths have balls. Don't ask..I really can't explain most of the conversations that go on here. The short answer is, "I don't know." Really, I've never given any thought to the baby making parts of moths, I am only aware that they reproduce because you see them around.

At any rate, Elders birthday is coming up and aside from the usual gifty items I think a gag gift is in order. I intend to hit the craft store and find the smallest, fuzziest pom-poms available and give her a gift made from 'moth balls'. Perhaps earrings??? This is just one opportunity that's too good to miss. Oh, come on, you would do the same.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Birth of a Blog

Debutante: a young woman making her formal entrance into society. Hmmm. Not exactly young, and this isn't particularly formal - no engraved invitations anyway. Society? Well, society is defined as a voluntary association of persons for common ends. Hmmm. The bloggers I read and admire seem to have the common goal of providing entertainment, sharing information and forming online friendships. That sounds like my kind of society. So I'm not exactly a debutante (never was) but I think I can safely consider myself a...

Blogutante: a person posting their first blog on the internet. Well, that certainly sounds more accurate, so I guess I'll go with that. I didn't even need a special gown! Just some comfy pj's and a slice of homemade apple pie. Works for me!

I had no idea how to start this first post but I do know that I have enjoyed reading so many other really terrific posts by other bloggers that I finally felt compelled to give it a shot myself. I hope I can provide you all with the same kind of enjoyment and respite from the daily grind that you all provide me!