Sunday, August 10, 2008

Your Cosmic Blog-O-Scope


YIPPEE boys and girls!! It's your very own Blog-O-Scope! I'm going to open the cosmic world to you by way of interpreting the stars so that you won't make any embarrassing cosmic blogging mistakes. You may ask, "What qualifications does Snail possess that she is able to do this?" The short answer is, "None." The longer answer is, "I've read lots of fortune cookies and horoscopes over the years. Also, I've been around the block a time or so, which leads me to believe I can give cosmic advice as well as anyone!"

I'm feeling inspired by the Flamarion Woodcut, which is the picture you see above. Though created by an unknown artist, the picture first appeared in a book by Camille Flammarion and became known by her name. The musical artist Donovan used this print for the inside cover of his album, "Cosmic Wheels", which came out when I was in 6th grade. A local radio station sponsored a poster coloring contest and our art teacher picked up copies for our own in-school contest. And guess what? I won first place in my class! I think what put me over the top was the use of the Metallic Gold Crayon. That crayon was magic, I tell you! My prize was a gift certificate for a local ice-cream shop. I used that crayon a lot after that...

But, back to the matter at hand. With the help of the stars I will now guide you in your blogging efforts thusly:



Aries The Ram: You are creative, open hearted, and high spirited. For shocking results, use the word electricity next time you post. A tasty reuben sandwich opens many blogging doors for you. Your lucky number is 3.14159.


Taurus The Bull: You are quiet, patient, and affectionate. Your colorful writing skills will be brought to the forefront when you blog in shades of green. When in doubt about a blogging topic, eat some bacon and you will soon be posting.
Your lucky number is -40੦ C/F.


Gemini The Twins: You are clever with words, quick in thought, and full of new ideas. Your sign is ruled by Mercury therefore curried chicken will add some heat to your blog. Yours is a repetitive sign so you should send out a meme! Your lucky number is ½.


Cancer The Crab: You are unpredictable, loyal, and will make any sacrifice for someone in need. Having trouble blogging? Yours is a water sign, so dining along the French Riviera will likely help. Say hello to Pierre for me. Your lucky number is 1776.


Leo The Lion: You are kind, openhearted, and generous. There’s nothing like salad to get the words flowing, but too much could lead to scandalous posting! Stay away from cliffs - you could easily fall off and burst into flames! It doesn’t just happen in the movies! Your lucky number is 911.


Virgo The Virgin: You are intelligent, shy, and charming. Always have handy some strawberries dipped in chocolate as they will help you sink your teeth into your writing. No one will be able to resist your blog, you sexy thing. Your lucky number is 90210.


Libra The Scales: You strive for balance and harmony. You are a born diplomat. A drive through town with a blindfold on will give you much to blog about, once you recover. Beware bad kiwi fruit. Really. Your lucky number is 42.


Scorpio The Scorpion: You are powerful, independent, and passionate. When Pluto, your ruler, is in your 8th house you will hit blogger’s gold, but beware when Pluto enters your condo, as this can only lead to trouble! Your lucky number is 867-5309.



Sagittarius The Archer: You are fun to be with, imaginative, and clever. Tacos will clear your mind's palette so that you can blog freely. Be careful that you do not flame anyone when posting comments – it’s a common problem for a fire sign such as yours! Your lucky number is 26%.


Capricorn The Sea goat: You are ambitious, cautious, and determined. Be daring and have cheese on your broccoli - you will be inspired to greater writing. You are most at home blogging in your 10th house. You know it’s really not right to have so many houses! Your lucky number is 666.


Aquarius The Water Bearer: You refuse to follow the crowd. You are outgoing, and eccentric. As an air sign you tend to live with your head in the clouds. Stop flying kites instead of writing! Clam chowder brings you back to earth and inspires great blogging. Your lucky number is .333333


Pisces The Fish: You are loyal, generous, and will help a friend who has fallen on hard times. Using pictures in your blog, such as The Scream, by Edvard Munch, will add an element of surprise to your next post. Sushi does not become you. Avoid it!! Your lucky number is 01010010.

Now, go forth and blog knowing that the forces of the universe are guiding you!

4 comments:

happyian said...

"I used that crayon a lot after that..."

:D :D :D :D

Anonymous said...

Camille was a guy...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camille_Flammarion

I'm not a big fan of astrology as anything more than a parlor trick... it's fun to read, but that's about it. Back when I worked at a newspaper we used to make up the horoscopes and print 'em when the regular column didn't come in on time... nobody knew any better...

However, the observations by astrologers and their maps laid a basis for later scientific studies of the stars, so that's probably how they get linked together... an interesting area of study, actually...

Here's an interesting read for you:

http://161.58.115.79/education/publications/tnl/11/11.html

Elder Sis, the Astronomer...

Anonymous said...

Actually I find your horoscope pretty funny... especially the lucky numbers!!

I guess I'll go blog in green now...

ES the A...

;)

Scaramouche jones said...

My 8th house? I'm lucky to have a tent!