Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Miscellaneous Me

Here's something you may find hard to believe: I've never made a single mistake. Seriously. I make all my mistakes in multiples - it's much more efficient that way!

I'm short - about 5'2" on a good day, but on the inside I'm just as big as anyone.

A slow-motion, downhill, 360 degree turn on an icy road is kinda scary. Actually, any unintentional, non-forward motion on an icy road is kinda scary. Ok, really scary.

Phyllo 'leaves' are not related to pot. Mmmmm, but they're good when used right. Look it up...

After I graduated from college, but before I got a 'serious' career, I worked on a ranch as a cook. It was an awesome job.

It's never really a good idea to touch a cholla, also known as 'jumping cactus'. They are a lot harder to 'untouch' than your average cactus.

You may call a dandelion a weed, but I prefer to call it a flower.

When I was little I thought babies came out of your belly-button. Now I know better, and the truth hurts! Really!

It's possible to close your head in a door without being drunk or on drugs, especially when you're a teenager.

In 1989 there was an earthquake in the San Francisco Bay area. I lived there at the time. Now I live in Florida, but I'm still more afraid of earthquakes than hurricaines 'cause you can't see an earthquake coming.

You may think that I don't have any cartoon character stuffed animals, but you would be wrong. I also have a couple of sock monkeys.

Real butter is better than margarine, sugar is better than artificial sweetener, lard makes a dandy pie crust, and coffee is better with real creamer. Moderation is the key.

Never let a small frog loose in your parents car.

If someone asks you about the space between your ears, do not reply with the question, "What space?". I was young, ok?

8 comments:

MonkeyDragon said...

"It's possible to close your head in a door without being drunk or on drugs, especially when you're a teenager."

having said teenager, I just about fell out of my chair on this one!

Significant Snail said...

Monkeydragon: I am so glad to hear that I wasn't the only one foolish enough to do this...

Scaramouche Jones said...

They may come out of your belly button but how do they get IN there, that's the mystery... :)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

wise, wise words.
I was in Arcata (northern, northern really northern California) when the 89 quake hit San Francisco. Then I moved to L.A. to get closer to the action. I was here for the Northridge quake, but not close enough! A bottle of nail polish fell over in my bathroom. I was, however, on the 12th floor in my office building in L.A. when that last one hit a few weeks ago. That was fun!

Significant Snail said...

Scaramouche: I don't know, still haven't figured that one out..

Nannygoat: I would hate to be in a tall building for an earthquake! I was lucky that I wasn't in a hard hit neighborhood - I just had some mess to clean up inside.

happyian said...

I like this style.
When I write jokes for comedy
it looks a lot like this.

And yet yours is so happy

Well if i need to grin...
Here I find myself.

spacewriter/eldersister said...

Ahem!!!

What about Jean-Guy???? (AKA: Etienne)...

HMMMM??????

Significant Snail said...

Don't you worry about Jean-Guy...he'll make it onto a post one day..