Realistic Resolutions We Might Actually Be Able to Keep

Once again we find ourselves on the cusp of a new year, making the annual list of resolutions that are designed to improve our lives in the coming year. You and I both know how tough this can be, so I've compiled a list to help you out. This list is based on actual scientific internet research of the top resolutions made by people just like you and me. You heard me right: Scientific Internet Research. It doesn't get more real (or important) than that! Listed below, in bold lettering, are some popular resolutions - each followed by a more realistic version. If you want to make your own list just remember to think outside the box. Behold, my


List of Realistic Resolutions We Might Actually Be Able to Keep.

Enjoy Life More: you can start by not making lists of resolutions. If you feel you must, then just make one.

Find My Soul Mate: okay, well, first I have to find my soul....it was around here somewhere...Ok, so realistically - start a blog! I'll let you know how that one works out...

Lose Weight: this can be achieved in numerous ways. Like buying lighter shoes or removing some of the contents of your wallet, pocket or purse. If it makes it easier for you just send all of your change to me....

Get In Shape: hey, who says you have to specify a shape? Any shape will do.

Stop Swearing: just swear more creatively! Think Yosemite Sam (sassafrassa, ricka-racka....)Holy Moley, you didn't expect me to just quit straight up, did you?

Take a Trip: work is a fascinating destination, in fact, you can practice your creative swearing there!

Get Organized: even something simple like making your bed more often. Not saying how often, just more often! Or buy a filing cabinet - as long as no one opens it, they'll think you're organized!

Do Something I've Never Done Before: like keep a resolution? Nah...too hard.

Drink Less Alcohol: is this one of those quality versus quantity issues? I think I could give up the cheap stuff for something better. That's do-able.

Attend a Live Sporting Event: yes, traffic counts.

Stick to a Budget: write it out and then use velcro or super-glue. Where you stick it is your business.

Help Others: I think this list counts - I am helping you, right? Again, think outside the box - sometimes leaving people alone is helping...

Stop smoking: just go ahead and spontaneously combust! Let me know how that works for you.

P.S. Have a Happy New Year and a safe and fun celebration!

Post Christmas Wrap-Up

Proof that Santa exists:

1. Only crumbs remain on the plate that held cookies.

2. Milk - GONE!!!

Need I say more? I think not!

Alright then, time to get started on those New Year's Resolutions. If I think of any I'll let you know....

They're Just So Darned Adorable!

more animals

Seriously, can you imagine the havoc?

Yonder Breaks a New and Glorious Morn

There are so many Christmas songs, both religious and secular, and for the past few weeks I've heard nearly all of them. I'm not complaining - I love almost all of them. However, if I had to choose a favorite Christmas song this one would win hands down. I've heard many people sing this but not many can really pull it off. I loved Michael Crawford in Phantom of the Opera (I cried) and when I heard his version of "Oh Holy Night" I wanted to include it here for you tonight. Maybe you can make it through without a tear...I can't! Merry Christmas to all.

Luminaria

I told you recently about tumbleweed Christmas trees. Another tradition in the Southwest is luminaria. The idea behind luminaria is that the lights will guide the spirit of the Christ child to your home. Luminaria are made from paper bags with sand in the bottom to hold them down. They are lit from within by a candle held in place by the sand. On Christmas Eve the luminaria are arranged in rows, lining the driveway and walkways around your home. Over the years they have become more elaborate, with cut out designs, and you can even buy electric ones.

In the picture above the homeowners lined the walkway, the front wall and the flat roof-line of the home. (In the Southwest it's not uncommon to see the roof-line lit up on adobe buildings). Weather permitting, you can create this type of display anywhere in the country, though I wouldn't recommend most roof tops. Of course you need to place the candles carefully in the center of the bag of sand and keep an eye on them so they don't cause a fire. Inexpensive glass votive holders are a good way to reduce the risk of fire. Note that the top of the bag is rolled down a time or two to create a sturdy opening.

Should you find yourself in Phoenix, Albuquerque, San Antonio or another Southwest location on Christmas eve, be sure to include an evening tour of their local gardens, parks and historic areas to take in this beautiful tradition.

Caroling, Caroling Through the Town. . .

Caroling, caroling, now we go Christmas bells are ringing
Caroling, caroling through the snow
Christmas bells are ringing

Joyous voices, sweet and clear
Sing the sad of heart to cheer
Ding dong, ding dong
Christmas bells are ringing

It just wouldn't be Christmas without music would it? I bought a set of these carolers several years ago as a gift but I had such a hard time parting with them that I went back and got a set for myself. The caroling dog really makes the set, don't you agree?

I think it would be great fun to dress in period costumes and go caroling. The cold weather makes it even better because you're encouraged to sing loud to stay warm! That and the after party... There was a group of friends that I went caroling with at Christmas before moving to Florida. We went around to the nursing homes and shut-ins and sang. Then we all descended on the home of another friend for food, drink and a great party.

One of the nice things about caroling is that everyone can join in and have fun. You don't have to be an awesome singer to get together and sing Christmas songs - in fact, nobody expects perfection, just loud,joyful fun.

Listening to Christmas music makes me want to join a choir. When I was in school I sang in a couple of different choirs. I really enjoyed practicing together with the other members to produce each concert. It's been quite a few years since then and I'm sure I'm rather rusty, although I suppose with practice I could do it again. When my girls are grown and I have fewer demands on my time I think I'll give it another go!

One Horse Slopin' Sleigh

Back in the day, when my 16 year old was quite young, she learned the song "Jingle Bells". She sang it with such gusto! However, she didn't quite get the words right and what came out was:

"...oh what farmer is to ride in a one horse slopin' sleigh!"

I don't know about you, but the suspense is killing me! Who will it be?! Which farmer will get to ride in the one horse slopin' sleigh? And why is it slopin', for crying out loud??!

Forever I will hear those words in my head when I hear the song "Jingle Bells".

Not Your Usual Christmas Tree

First of all, this is not my Christmas tree. This particular tree belonged to erissiva at flickr. I wanted to share this with you because Christmas comes in a lot of varieties and this one is particular to the southwest.

A little background first. I grew up out west, and in the early 70's my family moved to Arizona. Up until that time our Christmas tree was always an evergreen variety. It didn't take long, however, before the desert lifestyle became a part of our Christmas tradition. One year my parents gathered some tumbleweeds, arranged and trimmed them into a tree shape, and created a tree like the one you see here. The tumbleweeds started out brown but with some flocking they took on a snowy white color. Some years the tumbleweed tree was backlit with a colored light and other times it was strung with tree lights.

If you want to create one of your own there is a website where you can order (I kid you not) tumbleweeds for decorating! If you don't like flocking you can leave them brown or spray them any color you like. Some glittery spray might be nice, or silver, or iridescent. My parents created a stand that was basically a platform with a post (dowel or broomstick) in the middle. Stack your tumbleweeds over the center post. You may need to wire them together here and there. Bread bag twisties will work well for this. You will want to keep your decorations on the light side as tumbleweeds don't hold heavy items well. Another cute variation on this theme is to create a snowman. Wouldn't it be cute to have several snowmen singing carols?

Take a chance, make a change, and shake things up a bit! Do Christmas different for a change. If that's a bit too much for you, have your traditional tree in one room and have a taste of the southwest in another.

You Know Who's Coming to Town...

That's right! Better watch out! No crying! And don't pout! I hope you're on your best behavior, one and all. Really. I want you all on the nice list so Santa will be good to you.

This Santa has been hanging around our home for several years now, reminding us that he's watching. A right jolly old elf, isn't he? Tonight he's reminding me that I sure have a lot to do between now and the 25th of December. The time just seems to be flying by and there's still so much to do! Yes, that sled he's carrying has the name Rosebud on it!

Remember, he sees you when you're sleeping so.......hmmmm, that's a little creepy, isn't it?

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem

Last night my eldest and I went to watch my youngest perform at the annual school Christmas program. She attends a Catholic school and they create a living Nativity each year. The oldest students play the parts of Mary, Joseph etc while the younger children are angels, animals and shepherds. There are more kids than parts so some of the kids perform as the choir and others play instruments such as guitar and handbells. My daughter's class played "Oh Little Town of Bethelehem" using handbells. They did a terrific job! Later they sang along with the rest of the school. My eldest reunited with some old classmates and recognized many of their younger siblings there as well. She thought the little ones were so cute. She almost wished she had more younger siblings. Almost.

We sat with friends and at one point my best friend and I both realized that we were having a hard time keeping our composure. Our daughters are in middle school but their performance was not what had us blinking back tears. It was the younger ones, singing, that had us teary-eyed. Later she confided in me that she's having a hard time with the fact that her 8th grader will be graduating in the spring. That was me a few years ago. It took me all of the 8th grade year (and quite a few tears!) to accept that my 'little girl' was growing up and moving from the security of middle school to the unknown of high school. Just yesterday she was the little one singing the songs. Next year she'll be a senior in high school. Wow! I'll really miss the closeness of our Catholic school 'family' when my youngest graduates in a couple of years.

The Nativity you see is just like the sort we used to get when I was a child. Seems like every year we came home with one from school. Years later I found this one in it's original box at an antique shop. Couldn't pass it up! They were so common back then but hard to come by now. This one gets a special spot on the mantle every year. Just like the memories of my children singing in the Christmas program will always have a special place in my heart.

Deck the Halls...and Trees...

Time to pull out the boxes of decorations and deck the halls, walls and pretty much everything! I like to have a little Christmas in every room, be it a tree, a wall hanging, a decorative pillow or some bauble. The majority winds up in the living room and dining room of course. Every year I face the dilemma of color. Colored lights on the tree or white? If I go for color should I choose one color? Or should I choose multicolor? I like both. Twinkle lights or steady lights? Should I have a color theme for the tree or some of everything? Then there is the age old debate about tinsel. Some people can't have a tree without and some can't bear the thought of tinsel. Again, it's a toss up for me. Then there is the nutcracker collection - do I arrange them together on the mantle or spread them around? Ditto for the snowmen.

Next weekend my daughters and I will go out and get our tree. For the past few years we have driven to a tree farm and cut our own. This usually entails us wandering up and down the rows of trees until we agree on the 'perfect' tree. Then they laugh at me while I cut the tree. Especially the first time...I wasn't too handy at it and I'm glad there weren't many witnesses! But I've gotten better each year at cutting. Then last year my oldest daughter invited a boy along. A boy who had apparently never cut down a tree. He politely stepped forward and offered to do the cutting and then loaded it into the back of the car. Later he told his parents with pride that he had cut a tree himself! It was so cute. I was a little reluctant, actually, to have him cut it because it had become a tradition with the girls and I. But then I realized that as my girls get older and have boyfriends it will be quite handy. And it's a measure of a boy's character ( I think) if they are willing to step up and help out. Really, if somebody wants to date my girls I guess they'd better be helpful and polite!

So this week, each night, I will pull a box out of the closet and start the decorating, a little each day until we get our tree up. Then....mmmmmm...time to start baking cookies....

Jack Frost

We couldn't very well celebrate the season without mention of Jack Frost! I remember as a child waking up to frost on the windows. It was like someone created amazing, magical crystal lace overnight and I felt like I could just stare at the intricacy of it forever. I still feel like I could, in fact. Now when I see frost I also think of fractals and how amazing it would be to have colored frost! Of course scraping car windows pretty much lessens my appreciation of frost but that's not something I have to do often where I live now.

For those of you in warmer climes who are feeling so inclined, you can make your own window frost with epsom salts and beer. I haven't tried this yet but I'm going to. If I get good results I'll post a picture for you.

1)Dissolve 4 heaping tablespoons of Epsom salts in 1 cup of beer in a mixing bowl. The mixture will foam up, so make sure that the bowl is deep.

2)Allow the mixture to sit for 30 minutes at room temperature.

3)Use a wash cloth to apply the mixture to your window, using a sweeping motion across the window as if you were washing it. While the window is still wet, go back and dab at it with the damp rag. This will make the frost crystals look more realistic when they dry.

4)Let dry overnight. The 'frost' can be washed away with water when you've had enough of it!

Happy Jack-Frosting!

Sleigh Bells Ring...

Are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistening. This is what I wish I were doing this time of year. I've never ridden in a horse drawn sleigh but I sure would like to! For several years I lived in Flagstaff, Arizona. For those who may not know it, Arizona isn't all desert - there are mountains and snow there as well. I loved having four seasons and in the winter I loved to ice-skate and cross country ski. My favorite cross country memory occurred at night. Some friends and I got together under the light of a full moon and followed a forest service road into the woods. The full moon shone brightly and, along with the snow, really lit up the night. We packed along plenty of hot cocoa and had a wonderful evening under the stars.

Some day I would love to spend Christmas in the mountains, taking sleigh rides, ice-skating, snuggling up to a fire with some hot cocoa, and otherwise enjoying a wintry wonderland. What about you? Do you have a dream Christmas destination?

Ready or Not . . . . .

Hang on to your hats folks! Christmas is just around the corner. I came across this hat in the hall closet when I was pulling out the tablecloth for Thanksgiving. It's been patiently waiting for me to get through the Holiday weekend and bring it out for Christmas. I hate to jump right into Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, although I've been known to do it, so I waited until Sunday night to pull the hat out.

One year, a long time ago, I actually managed to purchase and wrap all my gifts by Thanksgiving. Oh, and I had my Christmas cards done that weekend as well. Once. In my life. It could happen again. But not likely any time soon. Yes, it was well before I had children.

I do try to start in October - sometimes I'll see something that I know one of the kids will want. Sometimes I see an adorable ornament or some decorative item. Anyway, I'm not feeling especially ready this year so I thought this hat might give me the kick-start I need! My bff (best frog friend) offered to pose so that I wouldn't have to do a self portrait. Downright nice of him, don't you think?

Glaring Cats of Evil

Sure, they can seem like wonderful companions, purring sweetly and curling up next to you. But then you get this...the glowing eyes of doom! I suppose you might think that Finko is ticked off at having to wear a dickey. But you would be wrong. she actually enjoys wearing a dickey. She wears it rather well,don't you think? What she doesn't enjoy is being the subject of endless photography.
Rafik got a bit tired of the photo shoot as well and escaped onto my desk. Don't go blaming me, however. My eldest is the one who drove them mad. She took about 40 pictures of the cats - some with her in them, making various faces. You never know what will amuse a 16 year old. It's a wonder she didn't suffer any injuries before the shoot was done. No cats were harmed in the taking of these photos - mildly annoyed, yes, but not harmed.

Beaded Acorns

Just in case you don't have enough to do before Thanksgiving - here's something more! Beaded acorns!! A couple years ago one of the local beading shops featured these little sweeties. I couldn't resist making some for myself, however all but one have disappeared. Not to fear, though, I still have some supplies to make a few more.
If you would care to make some for your Thanksgiving table they are quite simple to put together. As you can see, they consist of a wooden form, some beads and some glue. If you want to be fancy you can use silk stems/leaves at the top.

To begin, you will string some beads on a beading thread, leaving a tail of half an inch or so. String about 6 inches of beads on and then glue the tail onto the base of the form. Now all you do is wind the beads around the form, gluing them in place and adding more beads as you go (the beads will cover the tail you glued down). When you reach the 'cap' of the acorn you will leave another half inch or so of thread and glue it down just under the rim of the cap.
Starting at the top of the cap you will first glue on your stem/leaves (or ribbon loop to make an ornament). Ignore the fact that in my photo I obviously started beading the cap from the rim...ahem.... Then you will repeat the same process as you used on the lower half, working from the tip down to the rim of the cap. That's it in a nutshell. Sorry - I couldn't resist saying that. Cheesy, I know.

If you want to get really crazy and obsessive about it you can find all sorts of wooden forms (fruits etc) and make ornaments or other table-top decor. If you want to make this even simpler you could use glitter or hole-less beads (known as micro-beads or micro-marbles) and just spread glue on your form and roll it in the beads. Happy crafting!

Relevancy

I was just reading online about the crazy things people do and I was reminded of one of the more shocking things that happened at my office. Over the years I've seen and heard a lot, and yet people continue to amaze me.

We had a client come in one day, flip open his cell phone and proceed to display a picture of he and his wife having sex. A very close up picture. As everyone's eyes burned in their heads and our brains screamed in agony, he explained to us that the reason he knew it was he and his wife is because of the tattoo on his penis. It was a bug. I won't tell you which bug, but I know I'll never look at that particular kind of bug ever again in my life without thinking of this client. I could be 90 and senile and forget my children's names but I'll still remember this guy.

You know what's even worse about this story? The picture was completely irrelevant to why he was in our office, although he certainly thought it was important. I have to wonder if he was on drugs when he got that tattoo. Seriously, I can't imagine getting a tattoo in such a sensitive spot, let alone the particular bug he chose. I wasn't about to ask either!

I'm Yours - Sing It With Me Now!

Alright, here's my latest favorite feel good song. I can't help but smile and sing along when I hear it:



"Scootch on over closer, dear, and I will nibble your ear..."

Catchy tune and fun lyrics. What do you think?

Fun With Graph Jam

If you'll look over in my left hand column you'll see a link to Graph Jam. If you haven't checked it out yet I encourage you to have a look. Not only can you enjoy other people's creativity, but you can create your own graphs and charts as well. Below are a few graphs I recently found there.

This is one I think we can all relate to:


more music charts

Cat lovers will appreciate this one. And people who are into godzilla cats with laser eyes:


more music charts

Several years ago when my youngest was about 4 we were driving in heavy rain. Someone exclaimed that it was raining cats and dogs. My daughter thought on that for about 30 seconds and then exclaimed, "Yeah! It's raining lizards and beetles! Not sure if I would rate that more or less absurd than raining men:


more music charts

This one really speaks for itself:


more music charts

Happy Jobs

I was cruising the internet this evening when I came across a story that listed the types of jobs that the happiest people in the U.S. hold. Number 8 among the top occupations in general happiness was "miscellaneous mechanical and repairing occupations". I knew it!!!!

You see there's an auto body shop on the corner, 2 blocks from the office where I work. Most mornings I'm stuck there waiting on a light. While I was waiting there the other morning I saw one of the employees setting up for the daily job of repairing and repainting. I so wished I were going there instead of to my office. Think about it.

1. I bet you don't have anything like office drama at an auto shop.

2. I never see them working late.

3. The work clothes are comfortable. Ditto for the shoes.

4. Fixing stuff creates feelings of satisfaction.

5. The large side doors are open all day so it's kind of like being outdoors.

6. The people who work there waive as you pass by and never appear grumpy.

7. They whistle while they work. Ok, I can't verify that but I bet it's true.

Of course I don't really want to breathe paint fumes or have grease under my nails, and when it's particularly cold or hot I'm glad to be indoors. But dang! I spend a lot of time dealing with people problems every day. It would be so nice to deal with inanimate objects! You know, problems you can literally fix with your hands. I suppose I could fix some people problems with my hands...namely through use of the slapping method. While the slapping method probably wouldn't go over too well, my level of job satisfaction would certainly increase!

Perhaps I could take up whistling. Then again, if I did, someone would likely use the slapping method on me....

Refrigerator Ken

I suppose I've mentioned before (or hinted at the idea) that my household isn't exactly normal all the time. Or ever, maybe. We have a certain sense of humor about us. Or maybe we're just sick and twisted. For example there's Refrigerator Ken.

In order to tell you about Refrigerator Ken I must first tell you that my oldest daughter had quite the Barbie collection back in the day. Lots and lots of Barbies. Just who did all those Barbies date? Well, Spiderman. And Dr. Octopus. And Hobgoblin. There's also this other dude (missing his tail in this shot) whose name eludes me just now. Oh, and we did have one Ken doll. Here are three of the fellows that are still hanging around. They used to swing by and take various Barbies out on dates in the fabulous Barbie Mobile.


Of all these fine specimens, Spiderman (unavailable for the photo shoot) was pretty much the preferred date. Years went by and the Barbies were given up, yet somehow Ken (et al.) remained. Dear, dear Ken. A couple of years ago, for reasons unknown to me, my daughters put Ken in the refrigerator. Now, some plastics can take the cold and some become brittle. Apparently Ken was not made for cooler climes and as he got moved around the refrigerator some of his parts failed to remain intact. To be fair, he was already a bit broken going in. There was a time when the occasional hand or foot would turn up under a bed or behind the sofa. From what I hear he was sent flying off a ceiling fan more than once. Anyhow, he is a beloved refrigerator fixture for us and we have done our best to keep his remaining parts together. Behold, one and all, Refrigerator Ken:

The tape across his chest extends across his back and helps to keep his waist from pulling completely loose. The freakish 'underwear' basically holds his legs on. I really don't know why one knee is taped and one not. His head came off once but luckily went back on and stayed without the assistance of tape.

Like I said, he has become a beloved fixture in our fridge. When my daughter was in the hospital I brought her some pictures of family, friends and some of her favorite things from home. Refrigerator Ken was in those pictures, right along side her soccer ball and a few other items, providing a much needed laugh. I suspect he will be with us for some time to come.

November Blog - O-Scope

With the arrival of November comes thoughts of Thanksgiving. As we begin to plan our Thanksgiving feast we consider which of our friends and family we will share dinner with and what foods (traditional or not) we will have on the table. When Thanksgiving Day arrives we will join together at the table and consider that for which we are thankful. Our family and friends, our pets and our health, our wide screen tv's and the long weekend off from work and school. Yet there is more, isn't there? Why yes...each of us according to our astral sign has something extra to be thankful for - something we probably won't share out loud. The stars have whispered your secrets to me and I will now divulge them because that's what I do. When the stars talk I listen...and then I share the gossip information!

No need to fret if Thanksgiving isn't a holiday for you. Anyone, anywhere can join in the spirit of thankfulness - heck, have a feast while you're at it too!


Aries The Ram: From time to time you get an itch. In your ear. Or some water. In your ear. That's why Q-Tips are your secret indulgence. Who cares if they're not supposed to be poking around in there? Not you! You're just a rebel that way.

Taurus The Bull: You're not afraid of hard work, so as the rest of us break a sweat you keep your cool. Which is why your bathroom has not one, not two, but three deodorants! Well why not? One for odor, one for perspiration, and one just because.

Gemini The Twins: Mark a page in a book, leave a note on the mirror, write a reminder and stick it on your phone. Post-it notes are high on your list of lovable artifacts. You own them in several sizes and put them to use daily. You don't leave home without them!

Cancer The Crab: Who would have guessed your love of cocktail picks? That's right, colorful umbrellas, crepe paper fruits on a stick - you love that stuff! Not just in drinks either. You'll decorate anything with a pick. You've even used one as a bookmark, haven't you!

Leo The Lion: Wash your face, clean the bathroom counter, eliminate the dust on the dashboard. Baby wipes! You love 'em and use 'em for everything. Why you've been known to color on them with markers just for the awesome watercolor effect!

Virgo The Virgin: With all it's uses and colors you could stay busy for days. You know what I'm talking about: duct tape! Go ahead and enter one of those duct tape contests,creative genius that you are, you'll take top prize.


Libra The Scales: You draw people to you through your powers of attraction. Or could it be your magnets? They're so much fun. Heck, you've dumped small, metal objects on the floor just so you could enjoy the magic of picking them up!


Scorpio The Scorpion: You like to create a special atmosphere to suit your every mood. That's why you so love the dimmer switch. Now it's bright, now it's not. It's like magic! And you know what? It's just plain fun to adjust the darn thing!

Sagittarius The Archer: Some are minty, most are not. The thrill of finding out is what keeps you licking envelopes! And stamps. And gummed tabs. Now if you could avoid the occasional paper cut on the tongue whilst moistening the objects of your interest!

Capricorn The Sea goat: Ever so useful for squeaks, WD-40 makes you happy. That enamel paint you got on the carpet came right off, didn't it? You really love that long, skinny straw that fits into the nozzle. Smells good too....admit it!

Aquarius The Water Bearer: You love the challenge of sudoku and the thrill of a maze. But there's a certain satisfaction you get from lining up the little arrows when you open a bottle of medicine that just can't be explained!


Pisces The Fish: Lots of flavors and lots of scents - these are the reasons that you're passionate about lip balms! No dry lips for you - kissably soft is what you're after, and variety is the spice of your life.

Coming Soon to a Blog Near You....

...November Blog-O-Scope. Soon. Not today, however, for today is too soon. I need a couple days to re-group after my commitment to blog every day in October.

I don't know about you but my October got off to a rough start. First my daughter spent a week in the hospital. Then the proverbial poop hit the fan at work because, well, some people over the age of 18 just refuse to grow up and behave like .... grown-ups! Then, as if Family Drama and Work Drama weren't enough, we rounded out the month with some good old fashioned High School Drama. Oh yeah. There's no drama like high school drama!

Now that I've had a couple of days off I'm thinking it's time to resume blogging, though probably not on a daily basis. I just didn't want you all to think you're off the hook and can breathe a collective sigh of relief because you don't have to read my musings anymore. Your not that lucky! I'll be back in a day or so with your November Blog-O-Scope. Why? Because I care. Yeah, touching, I know.

Happy Halloween

Well, here we are at last. The end of October and the end of Breast Cancer Awareness month. The final 'boo'b word(don't you love that boob has boo in it?) is candy-corn, in honor of Halloween.
Yes, someone actually used candy-corn to describe breasts. Ok, small and pointy I get. In fact, after a mammogram your boobs might well be flat like candy corn, but what about the three layers of color? Tri-colored breasts? Anyway, thanks for stopping by this month- I hope you all enjoyed the boob words and I hope you will continue to visit the breast cancer site and click for mammograms all year long.

Have a hauntingly good Halloween!

A Different Kind of Name Game

Women with large endowments have inspired many a nickname for their amplitudes. To be more specific, their bodacious ta-ta's have motivated many a gazer to declare their admiration by bestowing new and interesting names upon said masses. What I'm trying to say is today's boob word is zeppelins. Why is the boob word zeppelins? Because somebody, somewhere got an eyeful and the first thing that came to mind for comparison's sake was zeppelin. Thank you anonymous boob namer, wherever you are.

Just out of curiosity, how many of you read the title and thought, "Shirley, Shirley bo Birley, Bonana fanna fo Firley, Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!" No need to thank me for getting that song stuck in your head. The pleasure's mine!

A Lesson In Terminology

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary assets can be defined as:

1) the entire property of a person
2) advantage, resources
3) items of value

According to the Boobology dictionary assets can also be defined as (you guessed it!) boobs! What? You've never heard of the Boobology dictionary? Really??? I suppose you think I'm just making this up. I bet if you search hard enough you can find one on ebay. Let me know.

Ghoulies, Ghosties and Food With the Mosties...

As Halloween approaches I think it fitting that we pay homage to ghoulies, ghosties and things that go bump in the night. Oh, and boobs of course, also known as: cupcakes. These skeleton cupcakes look like a lot of fun don't they? Makes me want to create a batch of ghoulish fun myself....

Moon Inspiration

For many a century we have looked up into the night sky and wondered about our moon. Eventually, given time and scientific advances, we were able to fly to the moon, land there, and come back again. Just as a poet once looked to the moon and was inspired (Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle. The cow jumped over the moon...) an astronaut once looked about the earth and was inspired, "Would you check out the nose-cones on that gal!" That's right, some astronaut, or astronaut wannabe gave us today's boob word! Inspiration is everywhere!!

As I sat down to write today I glanced out the window and saw this half-grown squirrel. The little sweetie was about 4 feet from my window. I had to move the blinds and get my camera right up against the glass to get a shot and I was sure that all the movement would scare it away. As you can see, my little friend was unfazed and stayed busy collecting and eating berries off the tree while my daughter and I watched.

A few minutes later I noticed my cats were watching intently as well. One was on the window sill and the other was perched on the desk behind my computer. I picked up the camera again to get a shot of them watching the squirrel. Just as I was about to get the shot I bumped something (ever so slightly) and both cats turned to look at me and then abandoned their posts. Figures. My little outdoor friend stayed busy scampering all over the tree for about an hour while my sloth-like kitties took a nap.

If you look at the picture where my bio is, at the bottom of this page, you can see the tree in it's June splendor. It gets so amazingly heavy with flowers and leaves in the summer that it fills the window view and you can't see through to the building (and windows) on the other side of it. In the summer I don't need blinds or curtains because no one across the way could possibly see through. There are still a few leaves up top but the branches are quite sparse now and the privacy is gone. Still, I can enjoy seeing birds, abandoned nests and this adorable squirrel.

Most of my boob words have came from a book, were found on the internet, or were suggested by someone. I thought today's word out to have something to do with squirrels but all I could think of was squirrly-girlies and that's just too stupid. So I'm back to the list I previously concocted for: bra-stuffers. Yep, that's the one I'm using today.

Some Names Are Obvious.....

To be more specific, some boob names are obvious. Today's boob word is one of those: babyfeeders. Very functional name. Just sticking to the facts, ma'am.

Fall Comfort Foods

I love Fall. The cool nights and mornings, the sunny afternoons, the gradual change in weather. I love the way the quality of light changes and the change of color in the landscaping as well, although here in northern Florida it doesn't come until much later than many parts of the country. Yes, I'm jealous of those of you in the cooler climates with all your color changes occurring while I wait...

This time of year my mind turns to comfort foods. You know, those warm and hearty soups, stews and one pot meals. This afternoon some cool rain came in and when I got home all I could think about was bread pudding. MMMMmmmmm. I have an old cookbook with a great recipe for a custard style bread pudding. I just put it in the oven. It's especially good warm from the oven but I'll eat it cold too - if there's any leftover! My older daughter enjoys it as well so bread pudding doesn't last too long here.

The other thing I was thinking about was my crock-pot. I can come home on my lunch breaks and put something on to cook and by the time we get home in the evenings dinner is ready. Beef stew, chicken, chili, sloppy-joes. MMmmmm. Nothing beats coming in the door to the aroma of a delicious meal that's ready to eat - especially when the girls have just finished soccer practice and are ready to eat now.

Fall is also the time to gather the pecans that fall from the trees. For the past few years my younger daughter has brought home a few each day from the playground at school. It's become a tradition to save them for a Thanksgiving pie. In honor of fall, the coming holidays and nuts in general, today's boob word is: chestnuts. You know, roasting. On an open fire. Yeah.

Define That Please

Let's consider the possible definitions of today's boob word: shakers.

Salt and pepper? Well, certainly there are lots of interesting looking sets of shakers.




Religious sect? There are those who would consider breasts a religious experience.






Cocktail shakers? This definition explores the notion of breasts as intoxicants.







Maracas? They're fun! They're exciting! Shake-a, shake-a...yeah, maracas it is:

I Like Them All

Ah, dumplings! It's easy to see how someone came up with today's boob word. Dumplings are comfort food and they come in a nice variety: Eastern style pot-stickers (steamed or fried), Southern style with chicken, or Western style with beef stew. Is there a Northern variety? What's your preference?

A Rose by Any Other Name....

We've all heard hooters, knockers and jugs,
yet be they real or fake,
when it comes to naming boobs,
nipple caddies takes the cake!

Look Into My Eyes...

flickr.com

What you see here are a pair of hypnotizers, the boob word of the day! I don't think I could find a better example of this word if I searched the world over!

Cat Smackage

I'd like to tell you about what happened in my bed this morning. What? Too much information? Trust me, it wasn't THAT exciting. Not really exciting at all. Just warm and fuzzy. Literally. About 4 or 5 every morning Rafik jumps up on the bed and snuggles up by my shoulder. If I move she will usually go to the foot of the bed. This morning she wasn't content with just curling up, she forcibly wedged herself under my arm and curled up into a purring ball of fuzz. A short time later I rolled to my other side and apparently that didn't suit her, so she climbed over me and forced her way under my arm to regain her sleep position. Do I need to tell you how hard it is to get up when a warm, fur-baby is snuggled up to you? A warm, purring fur-baby?? I'm in bad trouble when the mornings get colder....

I suppose this story isn't particularly amazing except that I've never had a pet forcibly snuggle like that. Finko (the older cat) just sleeps at the foot of the bed if she jumps up there at all. There's a perfectly good reason that Finko doesn't bother me much when I'm sleeping. It has to do with when she was about 6 months old. Once,in the wee hours of the night, she decided to attack my leg. Once. I sat straight up from a deep sleep, arms flailing madly to stop the attack. My arm movements resulted in the involuntary flight of the cat through the air.... Now, I am not normally cruel to animals, but basic instinct says that when razors are slashing you, you should put a stop to it immediately. Hence the cat smack. When I recovered from my wee-hour-slashing-shock I felt bad and went after Finko to be sure she wasn't hurt. No harm done and I'm happy to say we remain on friendly terms to this day.

If you're wondering what this story has to do with the boob word of the day, wookies, the answer is: nothing. I don't even know why someone would call breasts wookies...I mean, a wookie is a large, furry Star Wars character. I've never seen large, furry breasts (well, man-boobs maybe...) so I guess whoever made up that name has some 'splainin' to do.

Oh Boy

For your amusement and speculation I give you the boob word of the day: bouys. Think large flotation devices...not what I would wish on anyone! Who comes up with these names anyhow? I suppose we could credit this one to a lifeguard or a boater?

She's Flat .....

Once upon a time, when I was a young, developing girl, I had a doll that led to an unfortunate nickname. The doll of which I speak was known as a Flatsy doll. I still remember the jingle and words from the ad, "Flatsy, Flatsy, she's flat and that's that!"

Now, through the power of the interwebs(JapaneseSweetShop at flickr), I bring you Flatsy:



When I was looking for a picture of Flatsy I discovered that there is a company called Schylling that is selling Flatsy dolls again. Will my shame never end???!! Ok. I'm not flat anymore so the taunts can't hurt me now, right? Anyway, this whole thing came up thanks to one of my older sisters. She felt it her duty to remind me of a similar nickname from around the same time period. That nickname was Flatbush. Yeah, read it and laugh. Go ahead, I can take it. I am no longer a flatsy or a flatbush, although I sometimes wish I were. Really. No bras, no bounce when running, no toll of gravity - none of the bothersome aspects of the mighty rib cushions.

That's right, today's boob word is: rib cushions. What young child doesn't enjoy the soft, pillowy effect of a mother's rib cushions? Poor Flatsy, she had none.

One Points to Heaven, One Points to Hell...

Well, well. What can we say about the pointer sisters, today's boob word? Pointers come in a wide variety and I'm sure you've seen them all:

pointed straight ahead
one pointed up, one pointed down
pointing east and west
both pointed up
both pointed down

I don't think I've ever seen two pointed to the center like crossed eyes but maybe you have?

Halloween Hazard Warning

As Halloween approaches I would like to remind everyone to take the necessary precautions regarding your decorations. Specifically your carved pumpkins. Many people are not aware that you should NEVER leave alcohol near pumpkins! I received this timely warning in an email and I would be remiss if I did not pass it along to you:

Clearly alcohol and pumpkins don't mix. I have to wonder if this is the result of a pumpkin carving party. You know - some folks got together to carve and talk and have a few drinks. Eventually the topic of drunken pumpkins came up which led to the carving of drunken pumpkins and the inevitable pukin' punkin'. Makes sense to me.... I can also tell you that I would not want to come across this particular scene after having too much to drink. I think this would send me right over the edge. Anyhow, major props to the carver/designer of this Halloween scene - you're my kind of person!!

Without further ado,and in honor of our Jack O'Lantern friends I declare today's boob word to be: pumpkins! What a surprise, right?

Fun With Emoticons

If you're a lover of emoticons you may be familiar with some or all of these 'boobicons':

(o)(o) breasts
(+)(+) fake breasts
(@)(@) big nipples
00 A cups
{O}{O} D cups
(oYo) wonderbra breasts
(^)(^) cold breasts
(Q)(Q) pierced breasts
\o/\o/ grandma's breasts
(%)(o) extra nipple breasts

If you know any others that aren't represented here drop 'em in the comments section!

The boob word du jour is: wongas. Definitely large and probably bouncy and totally attention getting!

How About a Free Handbag?

On October 15, 2008, Handbagplanet.com will be giving away a free handbag every hour for 24 hours. Go and sign up (first name and an email address) for a chance to win your pick of 24 fashionable bags. It was hard to pick a favorite but I finally went for #11. Wish me luck! Now if I could just win some money to put in it...

Speaking of money, I found two Susan B. Anthony dollar coins in a public bathroom recently...kind of odd don't you think? Who carries those things around, let alone leave them sitting out in a bathroom? Yes, I washed them off...

Twice in my life I've found $20.00 on the ground with no one around to claim it. Once (back in my 20's) I lost $200.00 on a grocery shopping trip. When I realized I'd lost the money I returned to the store and was shocked to find it had been turned in by a bag-boy. I almost didn't go in to ask after it, assuming no-one would have turned in such a find. The bag-boy's honesty earned him a twenty dollar tip.

Now, on to today's boob word: gumdrops. I think what we're talking about here is the small yet sweet boobage amongst us. Let's hear it for gumdrops!

Fire When Ready

Boob word of the day: Torpedoes.

How about these old school cone bras? These babies were made to contain and display torpedo boobs in all their splendor! A true classic. Much better seen than actually worn, I'm sure. You know, in the 'olden days' women used to faint more- is it any wonder?

Frosty Flavors

Grape? Cherry? Blueberry? What about lemon-lime or pina colada? How do you like your boob word of the day: Snowcones? Ok, now I do enjoy snowcones, but seriously,as a descriptive word for female anatomy I'm not so sure. The term conjures images of cold, pointy breasts! Not good!! What say you, people of the interwebs??

Porkarito Pirate

Once upon a time a girl of about 4 years of age went on a trip, and for a souvenir she brought home a pirate treasure map along with a pirate and his chest. Since this girl was only 4 she had trouble pronouncing certain words. When the girl named her pirate she mispronounced Puerto Rico (from whence she decided pirates came) and called him Porkarito Pirate. Thus began the illustrious adventures of Porkarito Pirate and his multitude of pirate friends, sailing ships and other piratey playthings.

That 4 year old girl is now 12 and not too long ago, on a boring summer day, she came across a bunch of magnets and got busy. The air-conditioner intake is in our hallway and provides a nice flat, metal surface that was perfect for her creative inspiration. What she created was something akin to a village of cliff-dwelling pirates, which is what you see here on this series of platforms supported by magnets. Moving from top to bottom (along the 'stepping stone' magnets) we have:

A pirate roasting a fish over a campfire; a viking pirate and his keg with a tropical drink on it; a pirate with a carafe and some potted flowers;(who knew pirates are into flowers?) a platform piled with booty; and a tiki statue with a dog sitting next to it - this is the 'grand entry'. Apparently cliff dwelling pirates like a grand entry.

What you don't see is the series of ships and pirates down on the hallway floor. Many an ocean full of island villages have been built here, complete with markets for food and animals in pens. Porkarito Pirate has been a great creative inspiration. Which leads us to this monkey.

So what has this monkey got to do with anything? Well, a couple years ago I redecorated the girls bathroom. The shower curtain has a rich, maroon/gold paisley pattern, the towels are in maroon and gold and the wall decor includes a carved wooden panel - sort of a Morrocan feeling. My daughter's describe the style as Porkaritan Splendor. But our splendorous bathroom was lacking for something and one day I found just the thing: this monkey. I brought him home, put him on this shelf, and he became known as The Porkaritan Splendor Monkey. Ever since then the entire bathroom is now referred to as The Porkaritan Splendor Bath. Who would have thought that a few dollars worth of plastic pirate stuff would create such a lasting legacy?

By the way, the boob word of the day is: headlights. Are yours high beams or low beams? I wonder what it means to have halogen? And what about fog lights? Are foglights an extra, smaller set?